Lions and Tigers and Bears? Good Lord
by JWood201
Summary: Mr. and Mrs. Walker take their children to the zoo. Season 2.


**Lions and Tigers and Bears? Good Lord…**

Insert Standard Disclaimer … Here  
Setting: Early Season 2.  
Author's Note: I started writing this forever ago and finally figured out how to tie it all together. It's not the most coherent thing I've ever written, but it's kind of cute I think.

* * *

The crowd slowly parted, stunned New Yorkers and visiting tourists stepping off to the sides of the brick walkway to allow them to pass.

The husband, clad in an expensive custom-made Italian suit on the warm April day.

The daughter, heels digging into the ground as she protested against her father's hand, the sequined "Birthday Girl" tiara slowly sliding down the side of her head as she yelled.

The son, toddling along and peering around with large curious eyes.

And the wife, bringing up the rear, hidden behind large dark sunglasses. She staggered after them in her three-inch heels, Birken bag hanging from one elbow and a Bloody Mary secured in the other hand.

"What is your problem?" Stanley Walker was asking as he came to a sudden stop under the Delacorte Clock, his children colliding with him. Olivia glared up at her father as the clock struck three o'clock, the animal statuettes beginning their dance on the archway. Karen stood casually in the background, idly sucking on the piece of celery she was stirring her drink with.

"But, Daddy, I didn't want –!" she began over the clock's melody.

"I don't want to hear excuses, Olivia! You've had the perfect birthday so far. Rosario baked cookies for you to take to school, your teacher gave you that pretty crown fit for a little princess, and you got the pony you wanted!"

The crowd of people, who had begun to take their attention away from this family, was immediately brought back to the conversation upon hearing this. Somewhere in the mob another little girl asked her father for a pony and was immediately shushed, an exaggerated pout firmly taking place on her face.

"You wanted to come to the zoo. We came to the zoo. What's the problem?"

"I wanted BOTH my mommies to come to my birthday!" Olivia bellowed with a voice louder than seemed possible coming from her tiny body as the clock's song suddenly ended.

Time seemed to stand still as Karen snapped to awareness in the abrupt silence, her head whipping around to face her family. Stan stared at his daughter, dumbfounded, clearly having expected anything else to escape her mouth.

The attentive crowd surrounding them chose this moment to decide that they had been nosey enough and began ushering their children away, but not before the same little girl inquired as to how Olivia could have two mommies and was immediately shushed a second time.

Stan glanced up at Karen, who was staring at him in shock, afraid that Olivia had inadvertently provoked one of her patented Kathy Rants. Olivia stole a glance at Karen before turning back to glare at her father again, crossing her skinny arms defiantly across her chest and planting herself in the middle of the sidewalk. Mason's gaze shifted back and forth between his father and stepmother and he shrugged, having decided that they would be there for a while, and plopped down on the ground next to his sister.

Stan straightened up and shot Karen an urgent look over the kids' heads. She shrugged widely. Stan looked perturbed and gestured to the kids, pointed at her, and then shrugged himself. Karen peered at him over the top of her sunglasses, shook her head vehemently, and crossed her free arm across her chest, taking a dainty and decided sip of her Bloody Mary. Stan glowered at her and mimed taking a drink, then pointed at the invisible glass, rubbed his fingers together in the international sign for 'money,' shook his head and mouthed, "I'm cutting you off." Karen glared at him, but then thought for a moment and smiled slyly. She countered with a rather obscene charade consisting of nothing less than a grand pelvic thrust before mouthing, "No, I'm cutting _you_ off." Stan looked stunned for a moment before merely shrugging complacently.

Plan foiled, his wife stumbled for a moment and clenched her fist. "Devil!" she muttered before straightening her long coat and stalking the twenty-or-so feet over to Stan and the kids. Karen looked at them for a moment before attempting to crouch down in front of her stepchildren. She teetered dangerously on her heels and Stan grabbed her arm to steady her. Karen shot him a look and wrenched herself free before relocating her sunglasses to the top of her head.

Olivia and Mason watched her expectantly as she glanced around awkwardly, finally turning her attention back towards them. "So, listen, rugrats, I know I'm not your mother. She has a right to be here on your birthday, but she's not and I am. I'm sorry about that, but that's the way it is, so you'll just have to deal. Now if you wanna sit here and ruin your birthday, that's fine with me." Karen stood up and casually leaned against the metal railing, taking a relaxed sip of her drink. "I can do this all day, kiddies."

Olivia glanced at her little brother, who was watching her with a great deal of interest. Finally, she hoisted herself grumpily to her feet. She brushed off her skirt and shoved the tiara back onto her head. She slowly made her way over to her stepmother, who peered down at her curiously, and sighed. "I wanna see the animals," Olivia mumbled.

"What's that, Curly?" Karen asked, feigning ignorance and cupping her ear.

"I wanna see the animals," she repeated a little louder.

Karen shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Olivia watched her for a moment before tentatively reaching out and taking her hand. "The seals are first," she informed her, gently tugging on her stepmother's hand and leading her down the path.

Stan watched his girls go, impressed by his wife's actions. He finally noticed Mason still seated on the ground at his feet and reached down to scoop him up. He planted the little boy on his shoulders and followed after them.

* * *

A few minutes later, Karen lazily leaned her forearms on the railing surrounding the seal tank. She scraped the celery around the edge of the empty cup to collect the remnants of her Bloody Mary. A few feet away, Olivia and Mason stood with their noses pressed to the window watching the seals dive into the water, glide the full circumference of the tank, clamor out, and then start all over again.

Karen sucked the rest of her drink off of the celery and tossed the useless stalk into the tank when she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist from behind. "You were fabulous back there," a husky voice whispered in her ear.

Karen smirked and stood up straight. "Oh, honey, I'm fabulous everywhere," she responded, leaning backwards into him.

"Don't I know it." Stan kissed the side of her neck and rested his chin on top of her head, watching as two seals dove for the discarded celery at once.

Karen tossed the empty plastic cup over the railing as well and slid around in Stan's embrace to face him. "Just what exactly are you implying, Mr. Walker?"

Stan shrugged, a naughty gleam in his eye. "Nothin'. Just mentioning how you surprised me with your gift of child psychology."

Karen rolled her eyes and slipped her arms around his neck. "Oh, Lord, honey, I'm raising a thirty year old gay man, I think I know how to deal with children. Besides, they were killing my buzz," she added bitterly.

"I'm glad you came out with us today."

"Yeah, well, it's Curly's birthday. It was either this or listen to Grace scream at me to pick up the phone all day. I mean, it's her office for god's sake. I can't get any work done with her around. I only got through three hundred pages of the spring edition yesterday."

Stan smiled down at her as she scowled at this. "You're a good stepmother, Karen."

"Oh, honey," she laughed, "you don't have to flatter me with your lies. I know they're not my biggest fans and I didn't mean it before – I won't cut you off if you won't," Karen proposed, smiling coyly.

"Deal," Stan agreed, leaning down towards her.

"_DADDY!_" two shrill voices screamed just before their lips met. Stan and Karen both flinched and she clung to his shoulders, almost falling over from the fright.

"What?" he panted, holding Karen up by the waist as she stumbled to regain her balance.

They both turned towards the children, who were now across the walkway by the tortoise habitat. Mason pointed to two of the animals in the middle of the dirt pen. "What are those two turtles doing?" Olivia asked curiously.

Stan and Karen knew exactly what she was referring to before they even noticed the two animals in their precarious position. Karen's eyes widened and all the color drained from Stan's face. Finally noticing the irony of the situation, they immediately let go of each other and awkwardly created a substantial distance between them.

"Uh." Stan cleared his throat and jammed his hands deep in his pockets as he approached the kids. "They're just playing."

"What? Leap Frog?"

"They're not frogs, stupid!"

"Shut up, Olivia!"

"You shut up!"

"Hey, hey, _hey_!" Karen appeared at Stan's side, rooting through her purse. "How 'bout everyone shuts up? You're giving me one hell of a headache." She flipped her sunglasses back down onto her face and shook two pills out of an orange container, downing them dry.

Stan regarded her strangely for a second before turning back towards the kids. "Where next, guys?" he prompted, hoping to distract them.

It seemed to work and Olivia's eyes lit up. "Penguins!"

"No! Monkeys!"

"Naked mole rats!"

Karen grimaced as Mason stared as his sister. "They're not real!"

"Yuh huh! I saw them on TV!"

"You're so dumb."

"You're dumb!"

Stan sighed as his kids set off down the path, arguing and shoving each other. He started after them when he felt a hand slither its way into his pocket, finding his hand and lacing its fingers through his own. Stan glanced down at his wife who looked completely unaware, holding up a compact in her free hand and studying herself.

Karen felt him watching her and she peered sidelong at him. "What?" she snapped, turning back to the mirror and licking her lips to test her lipstick. Stan said nothing, but merely smiled, kissed the top of her hand, and started walking again, dragging her along with him, face still buried in her mirror.

* * *

The four Walkers emerged from the zoo's Leaping Frog Café, various levels of disgust playing on their faces. Karen rooted through her purse for a mint – or her flask, whichever she found first – as Olivia stomped down the stairs, thoroughly annoyed. "What the hell was that?" she exclaimed.

"Watch your language!" Karen scolded, triumphantly retrieving her flask from her purse. "But that crap sucked."

"My sandwich tasted funny," Mason pouted, clinging to his father's hand and hopping down the stairs, nearly tripping as he reached the bottom.

"That's because it was organic," Stan explained and Mason cringed despite not knowing what that meant.

"Ew."

Stan nodded sadly. "I know, son. Some things in this world are sacred and not to be tampered with. Peanut butter and jelly is one of them. And I need trans-fats in my French fries, Kar. It's uncivilized not to."

"What kid is gonna choke down that organic free range roasted lemon chicken?" Karen demanded before nearly falling over. She glared down at Olivia, who had stopped directly in front of her, and nudged the girl in the back with her knee. "What's the holdup, Curly?"

"Daddy," Olivia began, pointing ahead of her towards the gift shop, "I want to spend the twenty dollars you gave me."

"Go ahead," he permitted and Olivia took off. "But take Karen with you!" Stan yelled at her retreating back. "Mason's doing the bathroom dance; I'll be right back. Come on." Stan and Mason left Karen in the middle of the sidewalk, her face twisted in disgust.

Frowning, she tentatively entered the Central Park 'Zootique,' stepping aside as three children bolted past, nearly knocking her down. "Lord," she muttered, straightening her coat and surveying the bustling store. Karen spotted Olivia against the far wall, eyes glazed over and fixated on the floor-to-ceiling shelves of stuffed animals. Karen carefully started towards her, being sure to steer clear of the dozens of sticky and germ-infested little kids throwing tantrums.

"Karen, look!" Olivia seemed to realize she was behind her before Karen even announced herself and the girl ran over to the side of a huge stuffed elephant. She linked her arms around its trunk and beamed back at her stepmother. "Isn't this the coolest thing ever?" Olivia reached out to pet the equally large stuffed tiger that hung over one of the shelves beside the elephant.

"We already have those," Karen answered casually before realizing what she had nearly admitted. She looked stricken for a moment before sliding her sunglasses back over her eyes and burying her face in her purse, pretending to look for something.

Olivia looked utterly confused. "What? Where?" She and Mason definitely didn't own any gargantuan stuffed animals and they certainly hadn't seen them anywhere else in the manse.

"No where," Karen answered quickly. "Now go buy something with that Jackson your father gave you." Karen jerked her thumb over her shoulder towards the rest of the store. "Now!" she added more harshly than she meant to when Olivia didn't move. Olivia finally began to walk slowly past her, eyes remaining glued to her stepmother. "Go on."

Olivia watched Karen as she found a secluded corner and took her compact out of her purse. She observed Karen flip her sunglasses back up onto her head and carefully check her eye makeup. Satisfied, she snapped the compact closed, smoothed out her hair, and rearranged her purse on her arm before turning back towards the shelves of stuffed animals. Olivia frowned and turned away, beginning to search the rest of the store for something to buy.

Karen glanced quickly over her shoulder to make sure Olivia was gone before sighing. Her eyes grazed blindly over the shelves of animals her stepdaughter had been studying until she reached a stuffed red panda. Looking something like an adorable cross between a panda, a fox, and a raccoon, Olivia had squealed with delight when the odd animal emerged from the bushes earlier that day, looked up at the group of visitors gawking at it, and eyed them suspiciously before going about its business. Olivia, Mason, and several other children ran along the railing, following the animal as it looked for its dinner, not the least bit concerned with the group of people fawning over it and taking pictures.

Karen smiled wryly and picked up the stuffed toy. It was kind of cute. She turned it over in her hands a few times, surprised at how soft the horrendously synthetic fur was to the touch. Karen glanced around the store once more and, seeing no sign of Olivia, tucked the panda under her arm and turned from the shelves.

* * *

Karen cringed as the whole limo was filled with the sound of children shrieking. Olivia and Mason ricocheted off the walls, even landing on Karen's Manolo Blahniked toes a few times.

Olivia clutched her red panda bear to her chest as she repeated herself for what seemed like the fortieth time, "And the monkey picked his nose, and – and then he ATE IT!" Olivia doubled over with laughter as Mason rolled around on the leather seat, the balloon tied to his wrist bouncing violently above his head.

"Alright, we get it!" Karen finally yelled. "King Kong has no class! Let's move on!"

Olivia and Mason immediately quieted and gawked in her direction. Stan snorted a laugh behind the Central Park Zoo brochure he was perusing and Karen gave him a look before turning and staring out the window, arms crossed decisively across her chest.

Stan felt a light tap on his knee and lowered the brochure to find Olivia before him, perfectly constructed pout in place. He raised one eyebrow, knowing that look all too well. "Yes?" Stan was less than surprised when his daughter climbed up into his lap and linked her arms around his neck. "Can I help you?"

"Thanks for taking me to the zoo, Daddy." She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"Is that it?"

"Uh huh."

"You're sure?"

Olivia wrinkled her nose. "Yeah…," she said slowly, her response sounding more like a question than a confirmation.

Stan smiled and kissed her forehead. "Okay. You're welcome."

Olivia grinned and slid off of his lap and onto the seat in between her father and Karen. She sat there awkwardly for a moment, feet dangling in the air and hands folded neatly in her lap. Olivia glanced up at Karen, who wasn't paying the least bit of attention to her, still staring out the window at the parked cars as they passed by. Olivia considered her for a moment before kneeling up on the seat and continuing to watch her.

Karen sensed her stepdaughter's presence and peered at her out of the corner of her eye. "Whadaya want, small fry?" Olivia said nothing, but merely held a small bag from the 'Zootique' out to Karen.

Karen curiously peered down at her stepdaughter, cautiously taking the bag from her. "Did you buy Karen a present with the money I gave you?" Stan asked and Olivia nodded. "On _your_ birthday?"

"Yeah," she said again, brow furrowed in confusion as to why that was surprising.

Stan smiled down at his daughter before turning anxiously to his stunned wife. "Aren't you going to open it?"

Karen slowly reached inside the bag and pulled out a silver charm bracelet that she remembered seeing hanging in the store. Karen stared down at Olivia, an unreadable expression on her face, as Stan watched, amused at Karen being momentarily rendered speechless, a rare occurrence. Stan reached out and took the bracelet from her, removing the tag and clasping it around Karen's wrist.

"Liv, I love it. And I'm sure Karen does too. Right?" Stan arched an expectant eyebrow at his wife.

Karen raised her arm to the sunlight seeping through the tinted limo window. Her Cartier watch and diamond tennis bracelet shimmered blindingly in the light, the duller silver of the souvenir bracelet paling drastically in comparison. In the light, she discerned the silhouettes of the animal charms hanging from the chain – an elephant, a tiger, a seal, a turtle, and a red panda. Karen turned to Olivia, who was watching her blankly, and saw Mason over her shoulder looking utterly confused at the events unfolding at the opposite end of the limo.

"I do. But what's it for?"

Olivia shrugged. "You got me somethin'. Besides, you looked kinda sad in the store."

"What?" Stan immediately sounded concerned and Karen smiled at him.

"Nothin', honey. I'm fine." She pat his hand and he seemed satisfied, but laced his fingers through hers anyway. Karen reached her hand out to Olivia, but paused in mid-air, not sure what to do. She settled on patting the little girl briefly on the arm before returning her hand to her lap. "Thanks, Curly."

Olivia watched her for a few more seconds before leaning towards Karen, who recoiled slightly. "I'm glad you were my only Mommy today," she whispered before immediately fleeing to her seat at the other end of the limo.

"Livvy, tell about the monkey again!" Mason demanded as she returned to him. Olivia laughed and instantly launched into her story for the forty-first time, seemingly forgetting about what had just transpired.

Likewise, Karen continued to stare out the window as if she hadn't heard a word Olivia had said. "So am I, kid," she suddenly responded, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. Olivia abruptly paused in her story, stunned that Karen had responded positively, or at all. She beamed at her stepmother for a split second, but not long enough for anyone to notice of course, before turning back to her little brother.

"What'd she say to you?" Stan asked, curiously tugging on the sleeve of her coat.

Karen turned towards him, trademark oblivious smile once again plastered across her face. "Nothin', honey," she replied, scooting across the seat. "It's girl stuff." She pat his arm condescendingly and laid her head down on his shoulder. "You wouldn't understand."

From the next day onward, Grace would smile wryly behind Karen's back after she pointed widely at her while criticizing one of her outfits, tiny silver animals tinkling against her three thousand dollar watch. Stan would say nothing when Karen reached across the table at dinner, leaving dents shaped like dangling elephants and seals in the mashed potatoes. And Olivia would share covert looks with her stepmother in the hallway, secretly loving all the attention her gift was getting.

But neither one of them would ever admit it.

* * *

Note (yes, again): So, really, I make it sound like the restaurant at the Central Park Zoo is nasty. I'm sure it's not, but my friends and I did spend a bit of time 'ew'ing over the organic menu and I figured Stanley would not approve either. Also, the giant elephant and tiger make appearances in "Forbidden Fruit," so I'm kind of pretending she bought them there. Just in case you didn't catch why she said they already owned them…


End file.
